Are you ready to turn up the heat on your humor? We’ve taken the temperature of comedy and collected the best thermometer puns around. These jokes are guaranteed to be a degree above the rest, whether you’re a fan of Fahrenheit, Celsius, or just a good laugh.

Hot and Cold Thermometer Puns

1. What’s a thermometer’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal, because of the mercury.
2. Why did the thermometer break up with the barometer? The pressure was too much.
3. I have a fever for more thermometer puns.
4. You’re looking hot, according to this thermometer.
5. That’s a high degree of humor.
6. Don’t be so negative, said the Celsius thermometer.
7. I’m a big fan of Fahrenheit. He’s a cool guy.
8. My love for you is off the charts.
9. This joke is sick.
10. I’m reading you loud and clear.
11. Don’t be so mercurial.
12. Let’s turn up the heat.
13. That’s a degree of separation.
14. I’m feeling under the weather… station.
15. Why was the thermometer so good at its job? It had a high degree of accuracy.
16. I bought a cheap thermometer. It was a hot deal.
17. You can’t trust thermometers; they’re always up to something.
18. My thermometer friend is very supportive. He always tells me to stay positive.
19. I told my thermometer a joke. It cracked up.
20. What do you call a sad thermometer? A blue-mometer.
21. Why don’t thermometers make good secret agents? They always give away the temperature.
22. This is getting out of hand, it’s a hundred degrees!
23. I’m absolutely positive… said the thermometer reading.
24. You’re 98.6% awesome.
25. Let’s measure our friendship in degrees.
26. I’m not a fan of cold weather. It’s a negative experience.
27. That thermometer is so cool, it’s sub-zero.
28. Why did the thermometer get a promotion? It rose to the occasion.
29. My thermometer has a great sense of humor. It’s always cracking jokes.
30. What did the thermometer say to the ice cube? “You’re cool, but I’m a degree cooler.”

Thermometer Puns One Liners

31. I’m not a doctor, but you’ve got a cute-fever.
32. That thermometer is a real class act, I mean, glass act.
33. I’m feeling a bit hot-headed today.
34. You really raise my temperature.
35. That joke was lukewarm at best.
36. I’m having a thermal breakdown.
37. You can’t phase me, I’m a solid 10.
38. My thermometer is my most dependable friend; it’s always there to a degree.
39. I’m reading the room, and it’s hot in here.
40. That’s a very high-caliber joke.
41. I’m not sick, I’m just hot-blooded.
42. You have a certain degree of charm.
43. My thermometer’s jokes are always on point.
44. I’m not a fan of mercury thermometers; they have a toxic personality.
45. That’s a temperature-tantrum.
46. I’m feeling quite temperate today, thank you.
47. You’re off the scale!
48. I’m a Celsius person; I think in degrees of simplicity.
49. That thermometer is so smart, it has many degrees.
50. I’m not cold, I’m just below average.
51. My thermometer is a great conversationalist; it always knows the talking point.
52. I’m boiling over with excitement.
53. You’re a solid 37 on the Celsius scale of cool.
54. That’s a fever pitch of excitement.
55. I’m not lazy, I’m just in a state of low energy.
56. My thermometer is a bit of a show-off; it always wants to be the center of attention.
57. I’m feeling a bit under the weather, about 68 degrees.
58. You’re the hottest thing since the invention of the thermometer.
59. I’m not arguing, I’m just raising the temperature of the discussion.
60. That’s a very clinical sense of humor.

Feverishly Funny Thermometer Puns

61. Why did the thermometer go to school? To get a few more degrees.
62. What do you call a thermometer that tells jokes? A stand-up thermomedian.
63. Why was the thermometer so popular? It was always up for a good time.
64. What did the digital thermometer say to the mercury one? “You’re old school, but you’ve got glass.”
65. Why did the man stare at his thermometer? He was trying to get a reading on the situation.
66. What’s a thermometer’s favorite game? Degrees of Separation.
67. Why did the thermometer fail its test? It couldn’t get the right degree.
68. What do you call a thermometer that lies? A fib-mometer.
69. Why was the thermometer so calm? It knew how to keep its cool.
70. What did the doctor say to the thermometer? “You have a point.”
71. Why are thermometers bad at poker? They always show their readings.
72. What do you get when you cross a thermometer with a calculator? A degree of certainty.
73. Why did the thermometer join the band? It had a great range.
74. What’s a thermometer’s life motto? Rise and shine.
75. Why was the thermometer so skinny? It was on a liquid diet.
76. How do thermometers greet each other? “What’s the temp?”
77. Why did the thermometer get an award? It was outstanding in its field.
78. What do you call a nervous thermometer? A sweat-ometer.
79. Why did the thermometer go to the party? To break the ice.
80. What’s a thermometer’s favorite movie? “Some Like It Hot.”
81. Why did the thermometer get fired? It had a bad temper.
82. What do you call a group of musical thermometers? A temperature band.
83. Why was the thermometer so good at debates? It always had a valid point.
84. What did the thermometer say after a long day? “I’m spent, I need to cool down.”
85. Why are thermometers so wise? They have a lot of degrees.
86. What do you call a thermometer in a freezer? A chill-ometer.
87. Why did the thermometer get a ticket? For going over 100.
88. What’s a thermometer’s favorite book? “Fahrenheit 451.”
89. Why did the thermometer break up with the clock? It felt it was being watched every minute.
90. What do you call a thermometer that’s a king? Your highness.

Thermometer Captions

91. Feeling cute, might get a fever later.
92. Just trying to get a read on things.
93. 98.6 problems but a fever ain’t one.
94. Running a little hot today.
95. It’s a degree-zy day.
96. Keep calm and check the temperature.
97. I’ve got a high degree of sass.
98. Just a girl, standing in front of a thermometer, asking it to be normal.
99. My mood depends on the temperature.
100. Officially too hot to handle.
101. Stay cool, folks.
102. I’m not sick, I’m just trending.
103. This weather is mercurial.
104. Having a thermal moment.
105. It’s getting hot in here.
106. Zero degrees of chill.
107. On a scale of one to hot, I’m a fever.
108. Just a little under the weather.
109. My favorite season is thermometer season.
110. You can’t handle this temperature.
111. I’m positively hot.
112. Life is all about finding the right temperature.
113. I’m in a state of thermal bliss.
114. Let’s turn up the heat.
115. I’m not cold-hearted, just a little below room temp.
116. This is my resting hot face.
117. I’m not sure what’s hotter, me or this weather.
118. Just a cool caption for a hot day.
119. I’m at a boiling point.
120. Living life to the highest degree.

Thermometer Dad Jokes

121. Dad, are you feeling okay? You look a little flushed. “Don’t worry, I’m just a little warm-hearted.”
122. I asked my dad for a thermometer. He said, “I’ll have to take your temperature on that request.”
123. Why did the dad bring a thermometer to the barbecue? To see if the chili was really chili.
124. My dad calls his old thermometer “The Glassic.”
125. I told my dad I had a fever. He said, “Don’t worry, it’s just a passing phase.”
126. What did the dad thermometer say to the baby thermometer? “You’re growing up so fast, it’s raising my spirits!”
127. My dad’s favorite joke: “I have a degree in thermometers.”
128. Why did the dad put the thermometer in the garden? He wanted to see if he had a green thumb.
129. My dad says he’s not old, he’s just reached a higher degree.
130. I complained about the heat. Dad said, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the thermometer.”
131. Dad, can a thermometer get sick? “Only if it catches a cold front.”
132. My dad bought a talking thermometer. It says, “It’s hot in here,” every five minutes. It’s very temperamental.
133. Why did the dad wrap the thermometer in a blanket? To keep it from catching a chill.
134. I asked my dad what he thought of my new digital thermometer. He said, “It has a lot of good points.”
135. My dad calls himself a “thermo-stat.”
136. Why did the dad stare at the broken thermometer? He said it was pointless.
137. My dad’s advice: “Always stay positive, unless you’re a temperature in winter.
138. I told my dad I was reading a book about thermometers. He said, “Is it a hot topic?”
139. Why did the dad like the Celsius scale? Because it was cool.
140. My dad says he’s not a fan of Kelvin. He finds him too absolute.
141. What’s a dad’s favorite part of a thermometer? The dad-icator.
142. My dad tried to fix a broken thermometer. He said it was a heated situation.
143. Why did the dad put the thermometer in his shoe? To measure his feet heat.
144. My dad says thermometers are like his jokes: they get a mixed reading.
145. I told my dad I felt cold. He handed me a thermometer and said, “Let’s see to what degree.”
146. My dad’s thermometer broke. He said, “Well, that’s the last straw.”
147. Why did the dad get a job testing thermometers? He wanted a position with a high degree of responsibility.
148. My dad says he’s like a human thermometer. He can always tell when the mood is about to change.
149. I asked my dad if he knew any thermometer jokes. He said, “I’ve got a fever-ous amount!”
150. My dad’s favorite pickup line: “Are you a thermometer? Because you’re making my temperature rise.”

Thermometer Jokes

151. What did one thermometer say to the other? “You’re hot!”
152. Why did the thermometer go on a diet? It wanted to drop a few degrees.
153. What do you call a thermometer that’s always right? An accu-therm.
154. Why was the thermometer so stressed? It was under a lot of pressure to perform.
155. How does a thermometer flirt? It says, “I’m reading you.”
156. What did the thermometer say to the patient? “Stick with me, and we’ll get through this.”
157. Why did the thermometer get sent to its room? For having a bad temper-ature.
158. What do you call a thermometer that loves to travel? A globe-trotter.
159. Why did the thermometer get a standing ovation? Because it rose to the occasion.
160. What’s a thermometer’s favorite social media? Hot or Not.
161. Why did the thermometer refuse to fight? It didn’t want to get heated.
162. What do you call a thermometer that’s a detective? An investi-gauge-tor.
163. Why was the thermometer so good at math? It was great with degrees.
164. What did the thermometer wear to the beach? A heat-wave cap.
165. Why did the thermometer get a job as a judge? It was great at giving readings.
166. What do you call a thermometer that’s a musician? A thermo-tuner.
167. Why did the thermometer go to the library? To check the reading material.
168. What’s a thermometer’s favorite exercise? The mercury retrograde.
169. Why did the thermometer get a pet? It wanted something to warm up to.
170. What do you call a thermometer that’s a poet? A verse-ometer.
171. Why did the thermometer get a new case? It wanted to look cool.
172. What’s a thermometer’s favorite candy? A hot tamale.
173. Why did the thermometer get a promotion? It was a rising star.
174. What do you call a thermometer that’s a philosopher? A think-ometer.
175. Why did the thermometer go to the art museum? To see the degrees of expression.
176. What’s a thermometer’s favorite drink? Hot chocolate.
177. Why did the thermometer get a part in the play? It was great at reading lines.
178. What do you call a thermometer that’s a gardener? A plant-ometer.

Thermometer Puns For Cards

179. Hope you get well to a comfortable degree!
180. You make my temperature rise! Happy Valentine’s Day.
181. I’m positive you’re going to have a great birthday!
182. Sending you warm wishes and a speedy recovery.
183. You’re hot! Hope your birthday is, too.
184. Sorry to hear you’re feeling under the weather. Hope you’re back to 98.6 soon!
185. Our friendship is off the charts!
186. Happy birthday! Hope it’s degrees better than last year.
187. You’re absolutely the coolest.
188. I have a fever, and the only prescription is more of you.
189. Hope you feel better soon. Don’t be so mercurial!
190. You’re a degree above the rest. Congratulations!
191. Wishing you a speedy recovery from this fever pitch.
192. You’re too cool for school. Happy Graduation!
193. My love for you is measured in the highest degrees.
194. Get well soon! Let’s get your spirits to rise.
195. You’re looking sharp! (For a digital thermometer card).
196. Hope your day is just the right temperature.
197. You’re a solid 100 in my book.
198. Don’t be negative, it’s your birthday!
199. I’m so hot for you.
200. Let’s turn up the heat and celebrate!
201. You’re a classic, just like a mercury thermometer.
202. Wishing you a birthday that’s off the scale!
203. You’re positively radiant.
204. Hope you have a feverishly good time!
205. You’re the hottest person I know.
206. Let’s get this party to a boiling point!

Did You Know? Thermometer Fun Facts

• The first reliable, modern thermometer was invented in 1714 by Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit, who also created the Fahrenheit scale.
• Anders Celsius invented the centigrade scale (now Celsius) in 1742. Interestingly, his original scale was reversed, with 0 as the boiling point of water and 100 as the freezing point.
• The coldest possible temperature is absolute zero, which is 0 on the Kelvin scale, equivalent to -273.15°C or -459.67°F.
• Before Fahrenheit, Galileo Galilei invented a basic water thermoscope around 1593. It could show temperature changes but couldn’t provide an exact measurement on a scale.
• Mercury was a popular liquid for thermometers because it expands and contracts at a very consistent rate. However, due to its toxicity, it has been largely replaced by alcohol (with a red dye) or digital sensors.
• The highest air temperature ever reliably recorded on Earth was 56.7°C (134.1°F) in Death Valley, California, on July 10, 1913.

Final Thoughts

We hope this list of thermometer puns raised your spirits to a comfortable 98.6 degrees of happiness. Whether you’re feeling hot, cold, or just right, there’s always room for a little temperature-based humor to brighten your day. Using a thermometer pun is a surefire way to get a positive reading from your friends.

Loved these puns? Keep the fun going with our interactive Oh What A Pun Generator – An interactive pun maker that lets you type any word, choose your style, and watch clever puns appear instantly. Give it a whirl!