Get ready to take off into the danger zone of humor! If you have a need for speed and a love for laughter, these Tom Cruise puns are your new co-pilot. We’ve compiled a list of jokes that are a mission you should definitely choose to accept. So, slide on your sunglasses and get ready for some risky business.

Mission: Impossible Puns

1. Why did Tom Cruise get a job at the bakery? He was great at handling turnovers.
2. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of music? Mission: Impop-sible.
3. I tried to tell a Tom Cruise joke, but the punchline was impossible to deliver.
4. Why doesn’t Tom Cruise play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from Ethan Hunt.
5. This list of puns is my magnum opus. Or should I say, my Magnum, P.I.… wait, wrong Tom.
6. What did Tom Cruise say to the locked door? “This mission just got a little more difficult.”
7. Why is Tom Cruise a good detective? He always accepts the mission.
8. I asked Tom Cruise for a loan. He said it was financially risky business.
9. What do you call Tom Cruise’s spy-themed pasta dish? Mission: Impastable.
10. Why did Tom Cruise bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the top shelf.
11. My friend said he could do all of Tom Cruise’s stunts. I told him, “That’s Mission: Implausible.”
12. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite game? I Spy.
13. These puns are so good, they’re almost… suspicious.
14. Why did Tom Cruise break up with his GPS? It kept telling him to “turn back,” but he always chooses to accept the mission.
15. What does Tom Cruise drink? Cruis-e-la.
16. I’m not saying I’m Tom Cruise, but I do make a mean cocktail.
17. Why was Tom Cruise a good agent? He never left a stone unturned.
18. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline that self-destructs.
19. I have a few good puns about Tom Cruise.
20. Why did Tom Cruise get kicked out of the garden? He was caught peeping, Tom.
21. What do you call Tom Cruise fighting a vampire? Interview with a Vanquisher.
22. I’m on a cruise, but it’s not as exciting as a Tom Cruise.
23. Why did Tom Cruise go to art school? To learn how to draw his own conclusions.
24. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite computer key? The escape key.
25. I’m not a spy, but I’m feeling very Ethan Hunt-gry.
26. Why did Tom Cruise get a library card? For his next mission briefing.
27. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite weather? A light Cruise.
28. I’m not sure you can handle the truth about these puns.
29. Why did Tom Cruise buy a boat? He wanted to go on a Tom Cruise cruise.
30. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite exercise? Running. Just… running.
31. This pun will self-destruct in five seconds.
32. Why is Tom Cruise so calm under pressure? He’s used to impossible missions.
33. I’m feeling the need… the need for more puns!

Tom Cruise One-Liners

34. You can’t handle this pun!
35. Show me the funny!
36. You had me at “Tom Cruise pun.”
37. I feel the need, the need for speed reading these puns.
38. This humor is risky business.
39. You complete my movie marathon.
40. I’m just cruisin’ through this list.
41. Don’t be a Goose, laugh at the joke.
42. These puns are top-gun quality.
43. My sense of humor is on cruise control.
44. I’m the king of cocktail puns.
45. Talk to me, Goose.
46. I’m not a maverick, I just play one on TV.
47. This is my last resort… pun.
48. I’m living on the edge of glory… and puns.
49. I’m not just a pretty face; I’m also a pun machine.
50. I’m a man of few words, but many puns.
51. I’m not afraid of the danger zone of humor.
52. I’m taking my humor to new heights.
53. I’m not just good, I’m a few good men.
54. I’m on a mission for more laughter.
55. I’m the rain man of wordplay.
56. I’m not just a star, I’m a superstar of puns.
57. I’m not just a legend, I’m a legend of the fall.
58. I’m not just an actor, I’m an actor of puns.
59. I’m not just a hero, I’m a hero of humor.
60. I’m not just a pretty boy, I’m a pretty funny boy.
61. I’m not just a movie star, I’m a movie star of jokes.
62. I’m not just a leading man, I’m a leading man of laughter.
63. I’m not just an icon, I’m an icon of irony.
64. I’m not just a celebrity, I’m a celebrity of wit.
65. I’m not just famous, I’m famous for my puns.
66. I’m not just talented, I’m talented at telling jokes.

Top Gun Tom Cruise Captions

67. Feeling like a Maverick today.
68. In the danger zone of fun.
69. You can be my wingman anytime.
70. Just cruisin’.
71. I feel the need… for a vacation.
72. Lost that lovin’ feeling? Not with these puns.
73. Talk to me, Goose.
74. This is what you call risky business.
75. My humor is on cruise control.
76. Just showed myself the money.
77. You can’t handle this selfie.
78. Having a few good moments.
79. My mission, which I chose to accept: have a great day.
80. This view is the color of money.
81. Not all heroes wear capes; some wear aviators.
82. Living life in the fast lane.
83. Just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world… wait, wrong journey.
84. I’m the Iceman of this group.
85. This is my magnum opus.
86. I’m not a player, I just cruise a lot.
87. On the edge of tomorrow’s adventure.
88. This isn’t Mission: Difficult.
89. Just a regular Rain Man.
90. Far and away the best day.
91. Born on the Fourth of July… but celebrating today.
92. The firm decision to have fun.
93. Eyes wide shut to the haters.
94. Vanilla sky vibes.
95. Just a minority report: I’m having a good time.
96. Collateral beauty in this moment.
97. War of the Worlds? More like war of the words.
98. Knight and day difference.
99. Oblivion is not an option.

Tom Cruise Dad Jokes

100. What does Tom Cruise use to clean his teeth? A tooth-Cruise.
101. Why did Tom Cruise bring a map to the party? He heard it was far and away.
102. What do you call Tom Cruise’s less successful brother? Tom Bruise.
103. How does Tom Cruise like his toast? With a little Cruise-control.
104. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite car? A Cruise-r.
105. Why did Tom Cruise get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… of action movies.
106. What did Tom Cruise say after a long day of filming? “I’m ready for a Cruise-nap.”
107. Why is Tom Cruise so good at running? Because he’s always on the Cruise.
108. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of ship? A Cruise ship, of course.
109. Why did Tom Cruise go to the beach? To catch some Cruise-rays.
110. What do you call Tom Cruise when he’s cold? Tom Brrr-uise.
111. Why did Tom Cruise join the navy? He wanted to be a Top Gun.
112. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite part of the newspaper? The Cruise-words.
113. Why did Tom Cruise get a dog? He wanted a companion for his Cruise.
114. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of story? A Cruise-tale.
115. Why did Tom Cruise become a pilot? He loved the Cruise-altitude.
116. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite board game? Cruise-ship.
117. Why did Tom Cruise go to the library? To check out a book on Cruise-control.
118. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite dessert? Cruise-cake.
119. Why did Tom Cruise get a new phone? He wanted the latest Cruise-features.
120. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite holiday? Cruise-mas.
121. Why did Tom Cruise go to the gym? To work on his Cruise-physique.
122. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite drink? A Cruise-colada.
123. Why did Tom Cruise buy a new suit? He wanted to look Cruise-sharp.
124. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of weather? A gentle Cruise.
125. Why did Tom Cruise go to the mountains? To enjoy the Cruise-scenery.
126. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of music? Cruise-ic.
127. Why did Tom Cruise get a new car? His old one was out of Cruise-control.
128. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite subject in school? Cruise-tory.
129. Why did Tom Cruise go to the park? To take a Cruise-stroll.
130. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of movie? A Cruise-ic.
131. Why did Tom Cruise get a new watch? He wanted to be on Cruise-time.
132. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of shoe? Cruise-s.

Risky Business Tom Cruise Jokes

133. Why did Tom Cruise slide into the living room in his socks? He was practicing some risky business.
134. What’s Tom Cruise’s business motto? “Sometimes you just gotta say, ‘what the heck’.”
135. I tried to dance like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Now I have a risky sprain.
136. My portfolio is less Wall Street and more Risky Business.
137. Why did Tom Cruise wear sunglasses at night? It was part of his risky business plan.
138. What do you call a Tom Cruise movie about entrepreneurship? Risky Business.
139. My financial advisor told me my investment strategy was “risky business.”
140. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw Tom Cruise in his Risky Business outfit.
141. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite song to dance to in his underwear? Old Time Rock and Roll.
142. I started a business with no plan. It’s a risky business.
143. Why did Tom Cruise open a sunglass store? It seemed like a good business venture.
144. What’s the first rule of Risky Business club? You don’t talk about Risky Business club.
145. I’m not saying I’m Tom Cruise, but I do know how to handle some risky business.
146. Why did Tom Cruise get into trouble at school? For conducting risky business in the hallway.
147. What’s the difference between Tom Cruise and me? He gets paid for his risky business.
148. My life is a series of risky business decisions.
149. Why did Tom Cruise fail his economics class? He was too focused on risky business.
150. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite part of the house? The hallway, for sliding.
151. I’m not a businessman; I’m a business, man! And it’s risky.
152. Why did Tom Cruise get a promotion? He wasn’t afraid of risky business.
153. What’s Tom Cruise’s advice for success? Take a few risks.
154. I’m not saying you should do it, but it would be a great risky business move.
155. Why did Tom Cruise get a good grade on his presentation? It was a risky but rewarding topic.
156. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of investment? High-risk, high-reward.
157. I’m not a professional, but I’m an expert in risky business.
158. Why did Tom Cruise get a standing ovation? For his risky business performance.
159. What’s Tom Cruise’s secret to youth? A little bit of risky business.
160. I’m not a dancer, but I can do the Risky Business slide.
161. Why did Tom Cruise get the girl? He wasn’t afraid to take a risk.
162. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of party? A risky business party.
163. I’m not a rule-breaker, but I’m a fan of risky business.
164. Why did Tom Cruise get the lead role? He had a knack for risky business.
165. What’s Tom Cruise’s motto in life? “No risk, no reward.”

Tom Cruise Puns for Cards

166. You’re my top gun.
167. You had me at hello.
168. My love for you is not a mission: impossible.
169. You complete me.
170. I feel the need… the need to wish you a happy birthday!
171. Hope your birthday is far and away the best one yet.
172. Don’t lose that lovin’ feeling on your special day.
173. You can be my wingman anytime.
174. Sending you a few good wishes.
175. Hope your day isn’t risky business.
176. Just cruisin’ by to say hello.
177. You’re the color of my money.
178. Our friendship is rock solid, like the Rock of Ages.
179. I’d go to the edge of tomorrow for you.
180. There are no minority reports here, you’re the best!
181. My world wouldn’t be the same without you.
182. You’re a true Maverick.
183. Hope your day is legendary.
184. You’re a star in my eyes.
185. Wishing you a day of no oblivion.
186. You’re not just a good friend, you’re one of a few good men.
187. Our friendship is no cocktail of lies.
188. I’m not lion, you’re the best.
189. Let’s live life in the fast lane together.
190. You’re the Goose to my Maverick.
191. I’m not just saying this, you’re the real deal.
192. You’re a classic, like an old time rock and roll song.
193. You make my heart race like a Top Gun jet.
194. I’m on a mission to wish you the best.
195. You’re the hero of my story.
196. You’re far and away my favorite person.
197. You’re the Jerry Maguire to my Dorothy Boyd.
198. I can’t handle how awesome you are!

A Few Good Puns

199. Why doesn’t Tom Cruise use an umbrella? He prefers to be in the Rain Man.
200. What did Tom Cruise say to the bartender? “Make it a Cocktail.”
201. I asked Tom Cruise for the time. He said, “It’s the edge of tomorrow.”
202. Why did Tom Cruise get cast in the movie about lions? Because of his role in Lions for Lambs.
203. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite legal drama? A Few Good Men, obviously.
204. I saw Tom Cruise at a hotel. He was living the suite life.
205. Why did Tom Cruise go to space? For a new movie, not for Scientology.
206. What do you call Tom Cruise’s autobiography? The Color of Money.
207. Why is Tom Cruise so good at interviews? He’s had practice with a vampire.
208. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite day of the week? Cruise-day.
209. I’m reading a book about Tom Cruise. It’s a real page-turner.
210. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a gardener? He had a green thumb from The Firm.
211. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite type of report? A Minority Report.
212. Why did Tom Cruise go to Japan? To become the Last Samurai.
213. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite state? The state of Oblivion.
214. I’m not a fan of war, but I’ll watch War of the Worlds.
215. Why did Tom Cruise get a horse? For his role in Far and Away.
216. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of sky? A Vanilla Sky.
217. I’m not a knight, but I’ll be your Knight and Day.
218. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a bouncer? He was good at collateral.
219. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite rock musical? Rock of Ages.
220. I’m not American, but I’ll be your American Made.
221. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a mummy hunter? For The Mummy, of course.
222. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of jack? Jack Reacher.
223. I’m not a Valkyrie, but I’ll fight for you.
224. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a doctor? He had his Eyes Wide Shut.
225. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of legend? The Legend of the fall.
226. I’m not a Taps dancer, but I can do the Taps.
227. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a pool player? He knew the color of money.
228. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of outsider? The Outsiders.
229. I’m not a loser, but I’m good at Losin’ It.
230. Why did Tom Cruise get a job as a military student? For his role in Taps.
231. What’s Tom Cruise’s favorite kind of endless love? Endless Love.

Did You Know? Tom Cruise Fun Facts

• He holds a pilot’s license, which he obtained in 1994. He often flies his own planes in his movies.
• To prepare for his role in “The Color of Money,” he played pool for hours on end to look like a professional.
• He famously performs most of his own stunts, including climbing the Burj Khalifa in “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” and hanging off the side of a plane in “Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation.
• An official “Tom Cruise Day” is celebrated in Japan on October 10th because he has visited the country more than any other Hollywood star.
• He improvised the iconic dance scene in “Risky Business.”
• Before becoming an actor, he briefly attended a Franciscan seminary with aspirations of becoming a Catholic priest.
• He learned to hold his breath for over six minutes for an underwater scene in “Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation.”

Final Thoughts

We hope you had a few good laughs cruisin’ through this list. Whether you’re a Maverick on the highway to the danger zone or just enjoying some old-time rock and roll, these Tom Cruise puns are sure to show you the funny. You can’t handle the truth, and the truth is, these jokes are top-gun tier.

Loved these puns? Keep the fun going with our interactive Oh What A Pun Generator – An interactive pun maker that lets you type any word, choose your style, and watch clever puns appear instantly. Give it a whirl!