Welcome, Commander. If you’re looking for a break from saving the world, you’ve landed in the right drop zone. These XCOM puns are guaranteed to be a critical hit, providing much-needed morale after a tough mission. Get ready to engage with humor that’s truly alien to your everyday jokes.

Alien-Slaying XCOM Puns

1. Why did the Sectoid fail its exam? It couldn’t grasp the basic concepts.
2. What do you call a Muton who loves to garden? A green thumb.
3. I tried to tell a joke to a Chryssalid, but it just gave me the creeps.
4. That Floater thinks he’s so high and mighty.
5. Don’t trust a Thin Man; their stories are always stretched.
6. The Viper’s jokes are always constricting.
7. I asked the Archon for a loan. He said his funds were up in the air.
8. The Berserker’s comedy routine is always a smash hit.
9. Why are Gatekeepers so good at parties? They really know how to open up.
10. The Andromedon suit is great, but it’s a bit soulless.
11. I’m not a fan of the Faceless. They have no personality.
12. That ADVENT officer is very strict. He’s a real disciplinarian.
13. The Codex keeps splitting my sides with laughter.
14. I told a joke about the Avatar Project, but the ending was a real doomsday.
15. That Ethereal is so manipulative; he always gets inside your head.
16. Why did the MEC break up with the Trooper? He was too robotic.
17. The Lancer’s puns always have a sharp point.
18. I find Spectre humor to be a bit shadowy.
19. The Purifier’s jokes are always fire.
20. Why don’t Seekers make good comedians? Their jokes are invisible.
21. The Cyberdisc’s humor is very well-rounded.
22. I tried to race a Drone, but the competition was buzzing.
23. The Muton Elite has a very commanding sense of humor.
24. That Sectopod has a leg up on the competition.
25. The Heavy Floater’s jokes always land with a thud.
26. I’m not a fan of the Outsider’s humor; it’s too cryptic.
27. The Seeker’s punchlines always sneak up on you.
28. Why was the Muton so calm? He was in his zen-grenade state.
29. The Berserker Queen really knows how to make an impact.
30. That Viper King has a charming sense of humor.

Sectoid-ly Funny XCOM Puns

31. What’s a Sectoid’s favorite type of music? Mind-controlling pop.
32. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down, just like a Floater.
33. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the fight? To deal with the high-level threats.
34. My aim is so bad, the aliens think I’m a stormtrooper.
35. I have a love-hate relationship with Chryssalids. They really get under my skin.
36. Bradford’s sweaters are the true final boss of XCOM.
37. Dr. Vahlen is not amused by my puns. She finds them… unauthorized.
38. I tried to flank the alien, but I just ended up on its bad side.
39. My squad’s motto? “Close range?!”
40. What do you call a nervous rookie? A miss-fit.
41. Why are snipers so patient? They have all the sights in the world.
42. The Skyranger is a great ride, but the turbulence is out of this world.
43. I told my Grenadier a joke, but it bombed.
44. The Specialist’s drone is a real GREMLIN for mischief.
45. My Ranger’s sword is named “Missed Opportunity.”
46. I tried to build an Elerium generator, but I didn’t have the power.
47. The research team is great, but they always need more cores.
48. That’s XCOM, baby! And by that, I mean a 95% shot just missed.
49. Why did the soldier go to art school? To learn how to draw fire.
50. The Avenger is great, but the aliens are always trying to crash the party.
51. I’m on overwatch, so don’t make any sudden jokes.
52. That alien ruler just appeared. It was a royal pain.
53. My Sharpshooter’s puns are always on point.
54. The Psi Operative’s jokes are mind-blowingly good.
55. I’m feeling a bit of panic. I must be under psychic attack.
56. That rookie is so green, he blends in with the Mutons.
57. I’m not retreating; I’m advancing in a different direction.
58. The council is pleased with my pun performance.
59. This mission is going south, and I don’t mean geographically.
60. I’m not saying the mission was tough, but we’re out of medkits.

XCOM One Liners

61. I’m having a Vahlen of a time.
62. Don’t be so Chryss-a-lid-ical.
63. You Muton be joking!
64. That joke was Sect-sational.
65. I’m feeling a bit flanked today.
66. Time to face the ADVENT-ure.
67. This is getting out of hand-to-hand combat.
68. I’m on the edge of my battlescanner.
69. Let’s get this mission over-and-watch.
70. That was a close shave with a Berserker.
71. I’m having a blast with these grenades.
72. My love for this game is alien-able.
73. I’ve got my squad-sights set on victory.
74. This is a MEC-nificent day.
75. I’m not panicking, you’re panicking!
76. Let’s turn this UFO into a U-F-Oh-No.
77. I’m in full cover from your negativity.
78. That was a critically good pun.
79. I need to research better jokes.
80. My morale is at an all-time high.
81. Let’s make contact with the punchline.
82. This is a codex of great puns.
83. I’m not a rookie at this pun game.
84. That joke had a 100% chance to hit.
85. I’m just trying to manage the globe.
86. My humor is a tactical advantage.
87. Let’s extract this punchline.
88. I’m concealed from bad jokes.
89. That pun was a real mind-merge.
90. I’m ready to engage the enemy… with laughter.

XCOM Captions

91. “Vigilo Confido… in these puns.”
92. “Just another day at the office. An alien-infested office.”
93. “That’s XCOM, baby!”
94. “On overwatch for the weekend.”
95. “My squad is my family. A very dysfunctional, heavily-armed family.”
96. “99% chance to hit, 100% chance to miss.”
97. “I need more alloys for my sense of humor.”
98. “Flanked and out of luck.”
99. “Currently researching how to survive Monday.”
100. “Commander’s log: The puns are getting stronger.”
101. “Keep calm and activate Run & Gun.”
102. “My favorite class is ‘survived the mission.'”
103. Powered by Elerium and coffee.
104. “Just hanging out in the Skyranger.”
105. This is what peak performance looks like. (It’s a miss.)”
106. “ADVENT can’t handle this level of wit.”
107. “Squad goals: actually hit the target.”
108. “I’ve got a plasma rifle and I’m not afraid to use it… on puns.”
109. “Hunkered down and ready for jokes.”
110. “The only thing I’m dominating is this pun list.”
111. “Mind controlled by the need for more XCOM.”
112. “My GREMLIN is my best friend.”
113. “Just a rookie trying to make it to Sergeant.”
114. “The Avatar Project can wait; I’ve got puns to make.”
115. “Living life one turn at a time.”
116. “My aim is better than my life choices.”
117. “Central, we have a humor breach.”
118. “Saving the world, one pun at a time.”
119. “I’m not saying it was aliens… but it was aliens.”
120. “This armor is heavy, but the burden of command is heavier.”

XCOM Dad Jokes

121. What do you call an alien that’s good at math? An Algeb-raider.
122. Why don’t XCOM soldiers use social media? They don’t want to be flanked by notifications.
123. What did the Commander say to the messy soldier? “Clean up your barracks, that’s an order!”
124. Why was the Sectoid a bad poker player? You could always read its mind.
125. I asked my dad if he wanted to play XCOM. He said, “I’ll give it a shot.”
126. What’s a Muton’s favorite drink? A green smoothie.
127. Why did the Grenadier bring a speaker to the battle? For the sonic boom!
128. How do aliens organize a party? They planet.
129. What do you call a lazy Chryssalid? A couch potato bug.
130. Why did the soldier get an award? He was outstanding in his field.
131. What’s a sniper’s favorite type of story? One with a long shot.
132. I told my dad I was playing on Ironman mode. He said, “Don’t get rusty.”
133. Why are UFOs so bad at baseball? They always fly out.
134. What do you call a group of musical Mutons? A heavy metal band.
135. Why did the Specialist become a gardener? He had a green thumb protocol.
136. What’s an Ethereal’s favorite game? Mind games.
137. How does a Ranger say goodbye? “I’ll slash you later!”
138. Why did the ADVENT trooper go to the doctor? He had a Lancer infection.
139. What do you get when you cross a Sectopod and a cow? A weapon of mass de-steak-tion.
140. Why don’t aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
141. What did the Commander name his dog? Bradford.
142. Why was the Codex always calm? It knew how to split its personalities.
143. What’s a soldier’s favorite snack? Cover-ed almonds.
144. Why did the rookie bring a map to the desert? He heard there would be flanking maneuvers.
145. What do you call a psychic who is also a gardener? A Psi-clamen.
146. Why did the MEC fail its driving test? It couldn’t handle the heavy traffic.
147. What’s a Thin Man’s favorite activity? Stretching.
148. Why did the Avenger need a new paint job? It had too many scrapes with aliens.
149. What do you call a happy Grenadier? A blast.
150. Why did the soldier break up with the scientist? They had no chemistry.

XCOM Jokes

151. An XCOM rookie, a sergeant, and a colonel walk into a bar. The rookie misses the door.
152. How many XCOM soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb? Six. One to change it, and five on overwatch.
153. What’s the difference between an ADVENT Trooper and a stormtrooper? One is a genetically engineered clone serving an evil empire, and the other is an ADVENT Trooper.
154. A Sectoid walks up to a soldier and says, “Take me to your leader.” The soldier points to a Chryssalid and says, “I would, but I think he wants to take you to his leader first.”
155. Why did the Muton cross the road? To intimidate the chicken on the other side.
156. I tried to tell a joke about a concealed Ranger. But you wouldn’t see the punchline coming.
157. What did Dr. Vahlen say when she saw the messy lab? “We must exercise restraint when deploying our research materials!”
158. A soldier is standing next to a Sectopod. The Commander radios in, “Soldier, what’s your status?” The soldier replies, “I’m next to a very large, angry alien. So, ‘cautious.'”
159. Why don’t you play cards with a Codex? It’s always splitting the deck.
160. What’s an alien’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar.
161. A rookie asks his sergeant, “What’s the first rule of XCOM?” The sergeant replies, “Don’t get attached to the rookies.”
162. Why was the Specialist so good at his job? He was an expert in remote solutions.
163. What did the Ethereal say to the Commander? “Your resistance is amusing, but your puns are futile.”
164. A Thin Man walks into a bar, contorts himself onto a stool, and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” The Thin Man asks, “Why not?” The bartender replies, “You can’t hold your liquor.”
165. What do you call a group of panicked soldiers? A miss-ion.
166. Why did the Ranger bring a sword to a gunfight? For personal reasons.
167. How do you know if a Berserker has been in your fridge? There are fist prints in the butter.
168. What’s the XCOM project’s favorite TV show? The X-Files, of course.
169. A soldier runs up to Bradford. “Central, we’re surrounded!” Bradford calmly replies, “Excellent. Now we can shoot in any direction.”
170. Why did the Floater get promoted? He was a rising star.
171. What do you call a Sharpshooter who can’t find a target? Out of sight.
172. Why did the Gatekeeper break up with the Sectoid? It needed more space.
173. What’s the most common phrase in the Avenger’s medbay? “I thought I was in full cover!”
174. Why are Chryssalids so good at hide and seek? They’re experts at burrowing.
175. What did the Commander say after a flawless mission? “I’m not sure what happened, but I’ll take it.”
176. Why did the Andromedon cross the road? Because its suit was programmed to.
177. What do you call a MEC with a great sense of humor? A laugh-bot.
178. Why did the Viper get a job at the zoo? It was a natural charmer.
179. What’s a soldier’s least favorite song? “Another One Bites the Dust.”
180. Why did the ADVENT Lancer charge his phone? To get a better reception.
181. What do you call a UFO that’s landed? A U-F-Owned.

XCOM Puns for Cards

182. Hope your birthday is a critical hit!
183. I’m on overwatch for your special day!
184. You’re out of this world! Happy Birthday!
185. Don’t let aging flank you. Stay in high cover!
186. Congratulations on your promotion! You’re a real commander.
187. Sending you well-aimed wishes for a great year.
188. Unlike a 95% shot in XCOM, I hope all your wishes hit their mark.
189. Get well soon! We need you back on the squad.
190. You’re Sect-sational! Happy Anniversary!
191. I’d use my last medkit on you.
192. Our friendship has a 100% chance to hit.
193. Hope your day is legendary, not an ironman failure.
194. You’re the Commander of my heart.
195. Let’s make contact and celebrate!
196. You’ve breached my defenses. Happy Valentine’s Day.
197. I’m not panicking, but I almost forgot your birthday!
198. To my favorite rookie, hope you make it to Sergeant this year!
199. You’re as awesome as a fully upgraded plasma rifle.
200. Let’s celebrate! The mission can wait.
201. You’re the MVP of my squad.
202. Hope your birthday isn’t a terror mission.
203. You’ve got a squadsight on a great future!
204. Don’t let anyone mind control your happiness.
205. You’re a real GREMLIN when it comes to being awesome.
206. Our bond is stronger than alien alloys.
207. You’re a legend in the making.
208. Hope your day is full of critical hits and no misses.
209. You’re the best soldier a Commander could ask for.
210. Let’s raise a glass to another successful year.
211. You’ve successfully completed another trip around the sun. Mission accomplished!

Did You Know? XCOM Fun Facts

1. The original 1994 game, UFO: Enemy Unknown, was created by a small team of two brothers, Julian and Nick Gollop.
2. The iconic phrase “That’s XCOM, baby!” was popularized by streamers and YouTubers, particularly Beaglerush, to describe the game’s notorious and often frustrating randomness.
3. In XCOM 2, if you name a soldier “Sid Meier” (the creator of the Civilization series), they will be granted powerful psionic abilities.
4. The design of the Sectoids has evolved significantly, from small, classic “grey” aliens in the original to more imposing, genetically modified hybrids in the modern series.
5. The Avenger, the mobile base in XCOM 2, is a retrofitted alien supply barge, which explains its unique design and capabilities.
6. Dr. Vahlen from XCOM: Enemy Unknown is notably absent in XCOM 2, but her research and questionable ethics are referenced in the Alien Hunters DLC.
7. The game’s turn-based tactical combat was heavily inspired by tabletop wargames like Warhammer 40,000.

Final Thoughts

We hope these XCOM puns provided a tactical advantage against boredom and didn’t have a 99% chance to miss your funny bone. Whether you’re a veteran commander or a fresh-faced rookie, this humor is a critical part of any successful campaign. While they might not be as explosive as a Street Fighter pun, we trust they hit the mark.

Loved these puns? Keep the fun going with our interactive Oh What A Pun Generator – An interactive pun maker that lets you type any word, choose your style, and watch clever puns appear instantly. Give it a whirl!